Rain. It’s fresh. It’s calming, it’s beautiful. It cleanses the Earth and brings much needed moisture to the plants in need while a storm can seemingly rage on in the background. Can you smell the rain?
As you know, the last month has been super rough for me. There were a ton of emotional ups and downs, highs, lows and super lows. I was extremely nervous going in for my CD 3 baseline ultrasound on Wednesday. I had prayed and prayed for days and weeks that God heal my body and my broken heart so we could move forward. The day before the ultrasound I woke up more hopeful, happy and generally accepting than I have been in months. I had a feeling that the ultrasound would go great and we would be moving on with a medicated cycle.
So Wednesday I got my things, hopped in the car and made the 2 hour trek to the REs office in Denver. I wish it were closer, but honestly, the drive is nice. It helps me clear my head, pray and pump myself up. I hit rush hour traffic, which was horrid, but I just kept praying that God get me there in time, and he did. I arrived 15 minutes early even in the midst of 8:30 traffic in Denver! That’s unheard of!
After checking in, the nurse took me back to do some blood work. Now, I have horrible and I mean atrocious veins. They are small, sunken in and roll incredibly easy. I usually only have good luck getting stuck in the top of my hand after a nurse who hasn’t believed me has already poked me 4 other times in my elbow pits (yes, that is a place). So, the nurse tried to draw from my hand, but alas had no luck. The vein was stuck but no blood was coming out. She decided I should go back to have my ultrasound done while holding a hot pack on my arms. Talk about a smokin’ cool wristlet! Perks of going to an RE I suppose.
Can you smell that rain yet?
In the ultrasound room we started the procedure and immediately I could see a cyst on my ovary. I’m no trained sonographer, but it’s not normal to have two ovals nearly the same size on top of each other. The sonographer asked me if I’d been having any pain and my heart sunk a little. The other side however, was clear of the cyst that had been there last month. Woo! Small wins right?
Can you hear the thunder?
Then I was ushered into a room to meet with a nurse. The nurse told me that cysts can be estrogen producing or not. Estrogen producing cysts are the ones that become follicles and eggs can grow from. Non-estrogen producing cysts are just a nuisance. She said that she wanted to do some blood work and if my estrogen levels were low enough we could still continue. I remained hopeful and although nervous, had faith that these cysts would just be a nuisance and nothing else. I left the office knowing that by 4:00 I would have the results and know one way or another.
Can you feel the patter of drops?
On the way home I decided I needed to show an act of faith. I needed this for myself and I needed this to show God, “Hey buddy, I believe you got this in your hands and it’s handled. I love a good jokester and I know you’re aware of that. Please don’t make me wait it out too long!” I stopped at Target and bought a onesie with a whale on it. It reminded me of Jonah from the Bible. I also bought a onesie that said, Daddy is my Hero. Actually, this idea wasn’t all my own. I believe another blogger believes in acts of faith related to baby and does it on a regular basis. I was reminded of this on my way home and decided I wanted, no, needed to take part in this as well.
The next several hours I kept myself busy, although still nervous, waiting for the phone call. I happened to be at work, on the playground with my class no less when she called.
“Is this Paige?”
“Yes, this is her.”
“Paige, this is ARM and I have your lab results. Your estrogen levels came back low enough and you can continue with this cycle!”
“OH PRAISE THE LORD! You don’t know how relieved I am right now!”
“I figured you would be! You can start Clomid tonight. We will see you back next Friday for another ultrasound with possible IUI over the weekend or the following Monday.”
Do you smell the rain?
I was in shock. I was so ecstatic! Finally! Something was going right, and I KNEW in my heart this wasn’t just a coincidence. God was listening. I know I may sound a little holy roller in the post, but guys I have been really clinging to faith that this is meant to be for us. I’ve been in such a low spot emotionally that I needed a miracle to help me get out of my funk. I feel this was all Him. His presence has surrounded me and I can’t explain it but I just feel this blanket of peace.
This, was the rain.
Looking back I can see God through my whole day. He helped me get to the office in time in the midst of rush hour traffic. I didn’t have my blood work done before the procedure, but after. He knew that I would need that blood work and did not allow that vein to pass any blood through the first time. He purposely had me wait to get the results, loving my act of faith along the way.
Which brings me back to the rain. I feel like I have been washed by rain. Cleansed. Nourished. Let it pour down, because from it new life can grow! I hope you can stop to smell the rain. Above all, I wish everyone who reads can gain a sense of comfort.
I will leave you all with this:
God causes his sun to rise on the evil and good, and sends rain on the righteous and unrighteous. -Matthew 5:45
Have you felt rain?