The last 3 weeks have been pretty up and down for me. At first, I felt like the world was crumbling around me and I was again reminded of my failure as a woman. Then, I began to think about how taking a mental break from TTC would be beneficial. About a week into my birth control pills I began to feel good.

Until Monday. On Monday I woke up with a lump in my throat. Literally. You could see the lump on the side of my neck. It was hard to swallow and I began to have anxiety about a possible reaction to the levothyroxine (thyroid medicine) I had been prescribed. I felt horrible, had the chills, and decided I needed to call a doctor. Problem was, there were no doctors available to see me. I live 20 miles out from 2 different towns. There is a 3rd town about 30 miles away though. I called all 3 hospitals and they were booked solid for the rest of the week. That’s when the first panic attack of my life ensued. The fear of the unknown, feeling of failure, unrest, disappointment, heartache just crushed me. I called my mom (doesn’t everyone need their mom’s still?) in a heaving, breakdown of a mess. She was wonderful and tried calming me down, staying on the phone with me for nearly 45 minutes until I felt like I wasn’t going to hyperventilate anymore and pass out.

Finally, I got ahold of my sister-in-law (a nurse practitioner) who was also full of patients, but recommended a walk-in clinic that afternoon. I hopped in my car and headed the 30 minutes to the walk-in clinic. The doctor did a flu swab, but it was negative. She did however notice the rather large lymph nodes I had and said regardless of any test, I needed antibiotics to make those calm down. Yay! Not, my thyroid, I just needed amoxicillin.

WAIT! AMOXICILLIN? That will mess with the birth control I’m supposed to be taking to get rid of my cysts. Alas, there were no other options. I either needed to suffer out the sickness or take the antibiotics and hope that the pills would still do their job. Again, in tears, I decided to buck up and take the antibiotics and get healthy.

I headed to the pharmacy in complete defeat mode. I felt like my body just could not ever do what it needed to. First these cysts, then this sickness that will interfere with my medicine, I just couldn’t deal. I went home, curled up with my husband and went to sleep.

The last week I have been recovering and feeling better physically.  Yesterday, I had pretty sharp, pinching, needle like pain on my left side all day. I am wondering if a cyst did burst. All I can do is hope that it’s in the cards for me to be getting better. I pray that my body is healing in all ways and will be ready to move on next week to a new, fresh cycle and start.

One more birth control pill to take and then I begin the waiting game again, to see if we can move forward with a medicated IUI cycle.

Prayers would be appreciated.