How do you deal when life doesn’t go in the order that it’s supposed to? We grow up with this notion that first there is childhood, then youth, adulthood, find a partner, get married, buy a house, start a family, grow old together. What happens when the timeline gets stretched and snapped like a rubber band?

I’ve been struggling with this question throughout our year of trying for a baby and still have no clear answer, except to keep trudging onward. After meeting with our RE last Friday we decided on a plan to move on with Clomid (to stimulate my ovaries to grow eggs that are beautiful) followed by an Ovidrel trigger shot to induce ovulation and then IUI (Interuterine Insemination). I will then take progesterone suppositories until my Beta blood test to see if I am pregnant.

The plan sounded okay. I was at peace. It was the end of my cycle anyway and I should have started my period in 3 or so days and onward we would march into IUI land. I could deal with the plan.

My body, however, does not like the plan. I stopped taking progesterone pills on Sunday. This is the part where my period should arrive because the pregnancy tests says, YOU LOSE. Except, my uterus has decided to just stay perfectly content doing absolutely nothing. It is now Thursday morning (3 1/2 days since taking the last pill) and I still am not bleeding. I suppose I have had minimal spotting, but nothing super encouraging like good ole Auntie Flo was on her way.

The plan is all messed up.

I get that when you have plans, life and God will show you otherwise, but really? I just feel helpless. Completely and utterly helpless in the fact that my body fails at doing what it needs to. There is nothing more I can do. I must wait. I must be patient. I know I’m going to drive myself crazy constantly thinking about when I will be able to keep moving forward with our next steps.

To add fuel to my fiery mess of the plan we once had, my nurse had sent a prescription for the Ovidrel shot to a by mail pharmacy. I have never done this before, but trusted that it would be fine. I called the company and set up delivery for a week from now. This shot must be refrigerated and is shipped overnight to ensure quality. It is also a controlled substance and must be signed for upon delivery. Yesterday, my husband got home around 7 p.m. and noticed  a sticker on our front window. The Fed Ex people had attempted to deliver a package that needs to be signed for, but no one was here so they would attempt tomorrow.

AHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!

You can’t just leave Ovidrel overnight at a Fed Ex facility unrefrigerated!! It ruins the shot, it ruins everything. AND I DIDN’T EVEN ORDER IT TO BE SENT YET!!!

So here I sit. Waiting to start a plan that at this point is all jumbled up.

Screw the plan.

I was at peace with waiting for God and thought that this month was what we were waiting for. Waiting to stop temping, stressing about cycle days, etc. Apparently I was wrong.

 

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